I actually made it through an entire work day today! No tummy troubles or any other trouble. Just fatigued the last 2 hours, but I did get up at 4:45am, so I guess it's understandable, and I'll build endurance. I've discovered that I'm very tightly wound up still, so the moment I feel on the spot (like every time I draw blood as I'm being scrutinized!), all that I know suddenly disappears. I literally feel at a complete loss as to what to do!! Today was good, though, because the gals training me understood and helped me to focus in and calm down ("Just breath and don't talk"...LOL!) 


I don't know how to unwind this thing in me though-I feel like one thing hitting me the wrong way and I'll completely explode with sprockets and springs flying every which-way. Not an emotional explosion, but a CATHERINE HAS GONE TO PIECES AND IS SITTING ON THE FLOOR DROOLING kind of explosion. The dr says I have too much adrenaline coursing through my veins from all that's gone on not just this last 3 weeks but the last 14 months. Hopefully the med I've been given will help because it's a very unpleasant feeling to know you are on the brink of mental and physical collapse.


We definitely underestimate the value of quality rest. Oregon Health Sciences University hospital has virtually NO resources for patient's families, particularly those in ICU where family member visits tend to be limited, and absolutely no sleeping in there allowed (I kid you not - a woman in her 8th month of pregnancy literally closed her eyes at 8:37 and was woke by the nurse at 8:39 and not that kindly told "You CANNOT SLEEP IN HERE!" I realize there's a need for rules, but what sense does it make to not give a family member a blanket for the night while they sleep on the teeny couches in the very cold waiting room (it's too warm in the day and blowing cold air at night). I asked for a blanket and was told "If I give you one I'd have to give EVERYONE one." Uh, ya! That would be a GOOD THING!


I think I have no real point to this blog entry except that I had a very very rough time at OHSU while Brad was there, though the 2nd week was slightly easier as he was in a private room with a couch of sorts for me to sleep on, BUT by then I was so exhausted that my stomach quit working and I ended up in the ER twice, and should have been admitted the first time, and was on my way (literally being rolled down the hall) to surgery the 2nd time when a resident came running up after 12 hours in that ER gurney and said "We've had another meeting around your ct scan and we've decided you're just fine and good to go." I think the senior attending physician let the residents play with me and learn from me and only intervened when they decided to cut me open. And he did it knowing I was there with my very ill husband and needing to get back to him. I'm just guessing, but I think there is probably some truth in my guess.


I'm very happy that I did get through a full work day, without any special needs or looking obviously ill. The ladies at the lab told me my color was much better and white just didn't suit me :-)  Being white sure didn't FEEL very good.


Well, it's 8pm and time for bed if I'm to survive another 5:30am-2pm shift tomorrow. I never thought I'd like such a shift, but it's great getting off work so early in the day, and the morning goes really fast. The afternoon slows down and it can be very boring. I don't like sitting around with nothing to do.


I would love your prayers for strength and endurance for me. I'm in a lot of pain tonight with a swollen back causing both legs to ache badly. I'm burning through my ice packs. Pain medicine isn't touching it, and I don't want to use pain medicine anyway! I'm thankful for today, and for the beautiful drive by the ocean for most of my commute. Seeing the ocean always puts my perspective in it's place.